Ever been in a heated conversation or negotiation where someone’s words felt like a punch to the gut? I have.
Maybe it was subtle criticism, judgement, an accusation, or just that overwhelming tension that made you want to snap back or go on the defensive.
Here’s a game-changing perspective I learned in one of my Harvard readings last week: what if, instead of seeing the words as an attack, we reframed them as a form of “coaching”?
Yes, coaching. Not about tearing us down, but learning more about ourselves, and how we come across to others. That simple shift could make all the difference if we can take it on board, helping us stay calm and in control.
Now, here’s a hack that can be used in this or any other negotiation: once we’ve taken a breath and composed ourselves, imagine we’re negotiating for the life of the person we love most in the world.
Think about it—how would we act? We wouldn’t want to escalate things, or do anything to make it worse. We’d focus on staying calm, choosing our words carefully, and showing empathy. We’d approach the situation with care, like everything in that moment depends on it.
This mindset can force us to step out of our own emotions, to let go of those defensive reactions, and to lean into real empathy. It’s about using every tool in our arsenal—whether it’s from Chris Voss, Harvard negotiation strategies, or our own life lessons—to create a meaningful outcome.
I’m trying it out. It’s not easy, but I see its potential to be a “powerful” game-changer. Next time you’re in a tough conversation, give it a try. You too might be surprised at how much it shifts the dynamic
Robaire